On the edge of the Volcano

I am writing this as a diary entry at the end of the day - Friday.

Dream:
This morning I woke from a dream about standing at the edge of a volcano. It was hot and exciting. I was safe where I was, but I felt like I wanted to jump in. I didn't find out what happened.

Speech:
Today I had to make a presentation to someone at work who was leaving to have a baby. I usually like to put some jokes in my speeches but everything I thought of was verging on inappropriate. I knew I should keep it short and simple.

I couldn't have put it better than Claire D (@CD70) who tweeted me this morning in response to me asking for advice. She said:

"wishing them luck and letting them know they'll be a great parent is always a safe speech"

Babies are beautiful things but they are definately made by sex - this has been proven - and we don't talk about that at work, at least not formally. The problem is that, in the UK, inuendos are a major plank of easy humour. Consequently people create and look for rude jokes that aren't there. This makes it hard to pick the right words in a formal speech.

The woman who was leaving had met her husband, and father of the baby, at our workplace. Although he now worked somewhere else, it seemed to me I'd have to mention him because many of us remembered or still knew him.

To make sure I didn't veer off the safe path, I made some notes. They went something like this:

Amanda is leaving us today (say au reviour not goodbye - she doesn't want to feel pushed out).

Off to have her baby (don't say 'so that's why she's fat', OR to have baby removed, OR the lump removed etc.)

Baby due in three weeks, could come early, have some rest...

(don't do the bit you thought of about putting feet up in front of Jeremy Kyle show - watching all the shows about paternity tests etc.)

Mention John - e.g. many of us remember John - call him 'husband and father to be'.
(DO NOT CAST DOUBT ON PATERNITY. This very rude!)

They met at work, got married while they worked here, (NOT to say 'and made a baby while they worked here'.)

So we feel connected to this baby - (don't suggest (a) it is sort of our baby too. (b) We are like parents to the baby and especially not (c) I am sort of this baby's dad).

(DO - Suggest some names for the baby based on work things - this will be very funny - lol :D )

We will miss you and we know you'll be great and have a good time. Not such a good time that you don't want to come back.

(give present - remember that time you forgot to do this - that was well bad).

(PS: Don't mention the colleague who died recently whose funeral it is today - this is not the right time to make what you think is a poignant connection between death and new life).
END OF NOTE

I'll leave it to you to decide how many and which of the 'don't say' notes I accidently veered into.

Lunch:
Soon after we were off to Amanda's leaving lunch at a food pub in town. There were about 25 of us on a long thin table of tables pushed together.

It was a nice atmosphere but a few people were being a bit 'worky' with me e.g. Two different people recommended food to me because it was 'good value for money' (because I'm always on about this at work).
e.g. One person asking me if I was okay with him having a beer! Embarrassing for both of us that one.

It was one of those places where you ordered food at an order point at the bar and we all ordered and paid separately.
This was a bit embarrassing (1) because we took a long time and some of the regulars were looking a bit disgruntled at us taking over the place. (2) because you'd usually do a big order and split the bill.

But it suited us to do it this way. I was last to order, so these issues were exacerbated for me. Culminating in the weary barman suggesting, "you'd think the firm might treat you all". Perhaps he thought we were stockbrokers or something. I also thought the local at the bar might kill someone if he didn't get served soon.

Seated again I was concious of the TV's rolling news with the sound down. It was about Raoul Moat, the most wanted gunman still on the lose in Northumbria. (And then seamlessly into the World Cup predicting Octopus - backing Spain.)

I was in conversation with people at the table, but something else distracted me through the window. Mourners and funeral cars were gathering for the funeral of our work colleague. The funeral service was being held at the church opposite the pub we were in.

I saw them sombre in the bright sunshine, contrasted against us jovial in the dark pub.

I tried not to think it again. But I couldn't help it. New life and death. It was so contrived, so cheesy and so wrong. I wish I could explain the beautiful juxtaposition to someone - it was like standing at the edge of the volcano.

But all there was, there and then, at our long table was celebration and good wishes for the future. That's was how it should be. There was no connection, this was a coincidence. Or at least, something just for me to think about.

As we walked back to the office, we saw others of our colleagues heading out to the funeral. One of our party even decided to turn around and go with them. I would have attended, but I had a meeting at the airport.

Meeting:
I seemed constantly on the verge of saying something inappropriate today. I hoped it wouldn't continue.
My meeting was with my supervisor for my MBA project. I completed the taught modules two years ago and have been deferring the project for one reason and another but now I was committed to get cracking. The meeting went well and I came away much clearer about what direction I should be taking. That's the kind of certainty I needed. I was in no doubt about what to say and what not to say. I was in my comfort zone.

I do like the thrill on the edge of the volcano though. In fact I like it better.