Free Schools (with pics of male and female models)

Michael Gove, UK Education Secretary (not pictured) is pushing forward the Conservative policy of allowing people to set up their own schools, 'Free Schools' based on the Swedish model.

I am all for Swedish models (the picture above is probably of one) but there seems to be a number of problems with the citation of success in Sweden. Not least of these is that there is no evidence that free schools do better. Another problem is that, whereas the policy idea is for free schools to plug the gaps in rural communities, but Swedish free schools are predominantly concentrated in three urban areas. Finally 'Free Schools' don't come for free - in an environment of spending cuts, the funding for free schools could very possibly mean mainstream school closures. Otherwise free schools will make education cost more not less.

'Free Schools' of course doesn't mean we'll be getting them in our cornflake packets for free. It refers to the fact that they are liberated, unshackled from the rules, regulations and good governance (pehaps?) and support of Local Education Authorities and the like. This implies that the level of burden on non-free schools is unduly arduous to the point of them being imprisoned. So why isn't the policy to remove this burden from all schools? This would possible improve the schools and save public money.

Giving busy bodies a bigger say under the 'Big Society' agenda is one thing but don't let them set up their own schools from scratch. They can just gt more involved in existing schools.
Enough of the political ranting it really was not my intention. I wanted to consider five schools that might be set up under this new initiative.

1) The School of 'ard knocks
This would be set up by all those people who reckon a bit of bullying never did them any harm and consequently there would be a bullying policy in place.

Under this policy, anyone caught not bullying would be given an atomic wedgie by the Head (case) Teacher in front of the whole school. (bullying UK website)

This schools would have special links with, and act as a feeder to 'The University of Life'.
The school of 'ard knocks would lead to two possible outcomes for it's students.

To support this, careers advice would be limited to [A] - Becoming an amazing, against all odds, rags to riches Entreprenuer. Or [B] - becoming a criminal.

2) The School of fish
Fish are experts in schooling so why not give them a chance to set up a free school? Subjects would include Fishstory,

give me a minute...

Bass-ematics

You can also study Fishical Education and Fishics (Thanks to @grahamtcousins) and before you graduate you will be offered work Plaicements (Thanks to @JackiePatie).

Finally you will learn that, although things to do with Fish are supposed to be easy to pun, at 2am it is hard to generate many fish puns without good friends and a Twitter hashtag called #fishschool.

Oh and if you feel Eel you can see the school nurse (leave it).
phew!

3) The School of Rock
No, Not the fish 'Rock Eel' (enough with your fish puns- ten-a-penny).

I am talking, of course, about a real life version of the Movie 'School of Rock'. Only Jack Black would be allowed to teach and at this school we would only admit uptight posh kids who have perfectly (prefectly) good prospects of becoming an obnoxious lawyer or something, and then turn them into personable, likeable, soulful kids, you know really nice kids like all kids are underneath - who haven't not a hope in hell of getting a job in the current economic environment. I mean even established talented rock stars have to work their asses off on tour now the performing right gravy train has ended. That will show your stupid posh parents - send them to my private schools of Rock!

Moto: "We can make them nice and rock and roll, but they're coming back home and going on the dole."

4) The School of Thought


There would have to be more than one 'School of Thought' and some of them would not agree with the idea of free schools at all. Children in schools of thought would all develop the same attitude to a subject as everyone ese in that school of thought, which would make the debating society completely boring. Lessons would take the form of quiet reflection on a subject that everyone agrees with and no questions would be permitted.



In order to work effectively different schools of thought would have to organise exchanges through the internet, during which total chaos would break out and the children would fight and argue and would never be able to agree. They could never agree if they stay in their own Schoold of thought because they would be arguing from different premises.


5) The School of the Swedish Model
The Swedish model of free schools is the one that supposedly works. I have to clarify this would be an adult school - I am not sick, just a bit excited by the prospect of a lot of Swedish models together.

The teachers would all wear swimware, the furniture would be simple classic design and lovely wife of Tiger Woods could just be there, looking all nice. ahhh.

Here's some pics - even some for those who prefer their Swedish Model's male.