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Tuesday, 6 July 2010

Laws we could scrap - the jokey ones.


Nick Clegg has issued an online invitation for members of the public to suggest rules, regulations and laws that we think should be scrapped.

I don't know about anyone else, but after the initial excitement thinking of the wonderful possibilities, when I tried to think of any laws I would like scrapped I couldn't really think of any suitable candidates.

First of all I found it hard to get past the jokey ones and the quirky ones - the latter being laws that I don't know if they're real laws or popular misconceptions (e.g. We must practice archery every Sunday - boy could do without that every weekend!).

Then there are the obvious ones (drugs and prostitution) and the ones that we haven't got a hope in hell of scrapping (European Human Rights and Common Agricultural Policy). Oh and finally I think there's some that it is interesting and frightening to imagine what the world would be like without (e.g. Murder).

In a series of posts I will consider these categories. Firstly the Jokey ones...

Jokey ones
So lets get these jokey ones out of our system so we can have a serious think shall we? I would like to scrap the following laws. These have been selected just because I can't resist a pun and then I thought of the reasons afterwards.

1) Jude Law (suggested by @surzy & @willfrost)

Hard to hate pretty boy Jude, when you look at his face it's almost as if he understands, but he is a Law that is no longer necessary.
Although I believe he turned out a good Hamlet and with 2 Oscar nominations might be on the verge of a breakthrough, for his involvement in one of the worst remakes ever, 'Alfie', and his unhealthy, sinister grooming of a robot boy in AI, Jude is a Law that must be scrapped. I think his part in AI was actually a good performance - but when you're good at acting as a Peado robot, you've got to be worried. He doesn't mind acting out the old Pleasure Mecha routine in front of his real kids either. His kids former nanny, Daisy Wright, was reportedly sacked by Jude's ex Sadie Frost after his kids caught him driving Daisy crazy. At the time he was engaged to Sienna Miller (who he blamed for his affair!).

2) Sod's Law (suggested by @HLNdevon and me @deedpole)

How many times a day does sod's law raise it's ugly head? Yes it's like ray-ee-ain on your Wedding Day (and most of the other things that ALANIS MORISSETTE mistakenly thought were ironic - credit to Ed Byrne for this observation). It is clear that life would be easier if we could get rid of those moments when we say 'bloody typical'. This would (ironically) prevent the inevitable situation at the end of Mr Clegg's consulation, when all the laws we wanted to be scrapped are kept in place and a load of laws are scrapped that we either (a) could not care less about or (b) make our lives more difficult. So lets scrap sod's law first to avoid disappointment.
Of course sod's law might have meant sodomy, but the UK laws against sodomy have already been ditched. The age of consent was equalised to 16 in most of the UK in the year 2000 (perhaps prompting the song that goes "lets all MEAT UP in the year 2000" Cocker) - with the backward Isles of Man, Jersey and Guernsey only falling into line as recently as 2005, 2007 and March 2010 respectively. I wonder how many legal buggers have taken place in Guernsey since March 2010. I digress.

3)Gravity (suggested by @HLNdevon and me @deedpole)

Lets ditch the law of gravity too -it makes our faces and bodies head south and things smash on the floor. Without gravity we would quite literally be 'floating on air'. I wonder what life was like before Newton's law of universal gravitation. I imagine there were apples flying around all over the place. Clearly the picture of Newton above was pre-gravity, either that or hairspray was invented earlier than we previously thought.

4) David Laws

A whole series of Laws (David Laws) could easily be got rid of - oh, what's that? The Telegraph already got rid of them? ok, now we're cracking. (see also Sod's Law).

5) Others.
Other suggestions on a recent Twitter #hashtag game I tried to run on Twitter(#scrapthelaw)turned up the following other laws to scrap:
Mother-in-Laws suggested by @draregslim
Coles-law suggested by @Ita99
Murphy's Law by @Surzy

I really wish I had time for more - but I set myself this silly 'law' that I would post every day and it is midnight. Hey, perhaps I could scrap that one yet.

If anyone has anymore suggestions, please post them below or on Twitter with the #scrapthelaw tag. You must do this, it is the law. I will send them on to Nick.

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